Updated: Aug 28, 2020
Life continues forward, when I thought that was not possible after my dad passed away. At that moment, it did seem not possible.
Well, today I can say that 'a different life continues forward', because life has changed.
I am finding the process of grieving very complex, non-linear and emotionally challenging as in:
I think I'm doing ok but then I just think that person in not physically in the world and I'm overwhelmed by sadness
I think I'm doing ok and then I'll have an emotional outburst upon a nimius thing
I think I'm doing ok and I cross paths with someone that cannot understand that I can be grieving if I'm not crying in front of her
I think I'm doing ok but then I'm short with people, not sleeping and feeling my chest under pressure, still.
I know I'm not doing ok when I say something along the lines 'I wasn't there for the person that has done the most for me in my life' and at the other end I realize the person is not ready to hold that feeling (for me) at that moment. 'Well, but he would want you to be happy and not sad'.
I would say I'm doing a good job regarding self-care, counting on family and friends and counting on yoga and therapy.
I resorted to self-care as soon as my brain was relieved from the grueling pain, in freeze mode, of the hospital days of my father. It was a very instinctive thing to do for myself; I wanted help me through the emotions and not live them under the oppression within my chest.
Daily yoga lifts the oppression, if just for a while
Crying feels liberating
Everyday life keeps me entertained
I am finding meaning in connecting with my family from a place of compassion
I am cultivating empathy, compassion to others and myself. How? well, if only thinking 'I don't know the circumstances of that person, I will not get mad because she did this or that'; if only realizing that no one had anything to do with what happened to him, not a doctor nor my mom nor me.
I sometimes feels my dad close when memories pop up, or I suddenly wake up thinking of him
I go on long walks sometimes
I'm swallowing grief books and I find them heal inducers and transformatives. Currently going through Sasha Bates "Languages of loss".
Let's embrace change together, shall we?
The emotional coach